DDO Cocktail Hour Episode 75, Is This Thing On?

Welcome to the 75th episode of the DDO Cocktail Hour where we discuss the social aspects of Dungeons and Dragons Online!  We have a lot to talk about!  Gen con is coming up but…pirates are all around us, and Samius Gurobo is now in charge of making our website pretty!  We also go over emails and some other stuff too! Listen to find out which DDO Monster Samius Gurobo wants as a roommate!  Thanks so much for listening!


Here is the link for the episode!   (Warning: Show not totally bleeped!)

Jaggie made Lessah and Samius Plushies for Gen Con!

Jaggie made Lessah and Samius Plushies for Gen Con!

Intro:  Heal all of me!  By Rent2Pwn

 What would I do without your sweet heals

Keepin’ me alive while ignoring their feels

-  Got My hit points (brimming)- no kidding, I can’t stop you now

- What’s going on with the rest of the guys

– They’re on a downward hitpoint slide

- And they’re all dyin’, don’t know what hit em’ but I’ll be alright


The fighter is bleeding

- but i’m doing fine

- The caster is half out of her mind.


– ’cause all of you

– heals all of me

- Love the buffs and all the pee pools

– screw the rest of all the people

Give your heals to me

I’ll stay alive for you

At the end of all the fighting

They’re part dead and I’m still livin’

‘Cause you throw your heals at me

and you give them none of you, ohoh


Summer Fling 
 Twitter tag:  #ddogencon   #gecon2014

26:00 Group Discussion  

  • Gen Con
  • Gen Con party:  Friday Night, Severin, SWAG!



1) IF you had to have a DDO/D&D Monster as a roommate, which would you choose to live with?

1a) Which DDO NPC would be your first pick for a roommate and why? (And no Samius, you can’t bang them…. EVER, not even with Tobril.)

2) Which Monster would you not want to live with?  Troglodytes excluded.

2a) Which DDO NPC would you not want to live with and why? (And yes Samius, it can be because I told you you can’t ever bang them).

Dictynna of Sarlona – Airships as real estate?

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Is this thing on???

While my better half assures me that I did nothing wrong and it was just poor timing on my part, updating my site while some sort of maintenance was going on… I still continue to think that it was in fact my fault for breaking the Cocktail Hour so effectively.
But hey! If you are going to screw something up, really put your back into it right?

So what happens now?  What about all the cool stuff that used to be here?  Well.  I hope to bring some of it back and maybe get some new stuff too!  Only I know nothing about Word Press and am still learning.  I was really used to Quick Blog so I didn’t change it.   Getting the shows back on the site will be more challenging.  Samius has a pretty good idea for that too though and since he is better at Word Press than I am, I hope he rolls up his sleeves and digs in or at least helps me learn!  Either way, I’m just happy to have my website back!

Thank you to everyone who sent me messages of support!  We have a show planned for this week!  (Right Samius?)




DDO Cocktailhour Episode 74 What’s in a name?

Welcome to the 74th episode of DDO Cocktail Hour where we discuss the social aspects of Dungeons and Dragons Online!  Welcome Chai back to the show for a second date with Samius!  We have a ton of email and lots to talk about including our Summer Fling, the Crystal Cove, Swashbuckling, and BonnieBew sent in a great game of Would You Rather, DDO Addition!  Listen to find out what “How’s Your Father” really means in old timey speak!  Thanks so much for listening!  

Here is the link for the episode!  Just left click and play or right click and “save as” to download!

Intro:  Kobold Still Hates You!

Twitter Question?  

What are you taking for granted?  

DDO Cast guest what?



Lessah and Samius’ static group.  “The Summer Fling”  party wipe in the Chronoscope! Mass walk of shame! 

Gen Con Party

Samius Says:  Open mic rant, commendations of valor

Forum:  DDO Party  by Cd!

Vote For Chai!  by Ungood

Bonnie Bew email of shame game!  

After dying during the first week of Summer Fling, I decided I had to write DDO CocktailHour an E-mail of Shame as part of my penance. Of course, then I promptly forgot about

it, because I have the attention span of a five year-old with a bag of Pixie Stix.

Since Lessah is hinting about making a new show this weekend, I’m scrambling to write this at the last second. It’s a gift!  

I don’t have any burning questions, so I’m offering up a round of “Would You Rather?“. You can only pick between the either/or options in the question – no adding in stuff!

1) Would you rather… gain the ability to ride horses and dinosaurs in DDO or dye armor and Warforged plating in DDO?

Dinosaurs in the Eberron Wiki

2) Would you rather… manage the torches in Crystal Cove, guard the line in Crystal Cove, or watch ‘Dance Moms’ before you do Crystal Cove one more friggin’ time?

3) Would you rather… play a Warlock class in DDO or Eberron’s Kalashtar race?

4) Would you rather… drink Trog Water or drink a Dirty Kobold?

5) Would you rather…be resistant to all poisons, or resistant to all diseases?

6) Would you rather… break all the boxes in a quest before Shesamius can lick them, or have your dog Janet break all of the boxes in a quest before Shesamius can lick them?

7) Would you rather…have DDO introduce Epic Sorrowdusk, or Epic Inspired Quarter?

8) Would you rather...have more quests added to the Searing Heights wilderness area or more available Druid PREs?

9) Would you rather… get half-assed Cocktail Hour E-mails of Shame or discuss Samius’s feelings about Armour Class again?

Group Discussion  

  • Listener Bill writes in and says: “With the last update the single weapon fighting feat was introduced. Why do you think that DDO placed the restriction on the feat of only using a buckler, orb or nothing in the off hand, why not allow all the shields? …what is your take on the new feat?”  

Emails: SO MUCH EMAIL!  

  1. Sahba Jade double dip!  “When is the next show?”  “Live show at Gen Con would be great.”  

  2. Chris: 

    1. Potency?   

    2. Blade-forged Paladin?   

    3. I <3 Samius.  

    4. Awesome character names  

  3. Bonnie Bew Double Dip!  Renaming! 

  4. Epic fail email!  “Eshep”  “meet me at the STD”.  Most everyone figured out where to go.  I wonder if yall can figure out the tavern to which he was referring.”  

DDO Drink List

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Bonus Material! 

Gen Con 2012 was a live show and just for fun, Samius and Lessah had their kids do the show intro! 

DDO Cocktailhour Episode 73, Drunk Samius Sober Samius

Welcome to the 73rd episode of DDO Cocktail Hour where we discuss the social aspects of Dungeons and Dragons Online!  Welcome special guest Chai to the show this week, watch out I think Samius has a new man crush!  We are talking about the new update, our static groups, Twitch gaming, and more!  Listen to find out why a barefoot pirate is better than a Hipster Pirate!  Thanks so much for listening!  

Here is the link for the episode!  Just left click and play or right click and “save as” to download!   (I will add time stamps later!  I wanted to get this show out by Father’s Day!) 

Intro:  Sponsor!  Otto’s Dance Club!   Very special thanks to Chai for mixing the audio and Martel of Argonnessen who voiced it for me! 

Twitter Question?  

What is your new favorite room on your guild’s airship?   

Lessah and Samius’ static group.  “The Summer Fling”  What exactly is the “Walk of Shame”  Bardic sex change?  

Lessah is a Noob!

  • Pugging disasters.  Thanks a lot Patrick from DDOCast!  

  • The Danger Room!  

Things that make you go Hmmm

  • Pirates never wear shoes.  

Gen Con party?  

Samius Says:  This was a segment once.  What happened to all our old segments???  

Forum:  DDO Party

Paladin Changes!!!  (In where Samius and Chai make sweet sweet love)  

Group Discussion  Update 22

  • THEY BROKE CRAFTING!!!!  Whaaaaaaaaaaa

  • +6 stat tomes whaaaaaa?  


Why don’t I have email?  

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The Summer Fling!

This is a static group hosted by the DDO Cocktail Hour that will be livestreamed on Wednesdays From 1:30-2:30 PM EST on the Argonnessen Server.  (That is 12:30-1:30 CST, 10:30-11:30 PST, and 6:30-7:30 London Time whatever that is in time talk!)  Starting next Weds at June 11th 2014! 

Tune in at Lessah101 on Twitch or SamiusGurobo on Twitch

The rules for this group
will be very different and unconventional.  

Members:  Samius, Jerry, Grimm, Rach, Lessah, Mike, (One alt BonnieBew)


Da Roolz

No twinking.  That means No Auction House, No Shard House, NO VENDORS (Weapon, clothing, jewelry, potion, wand, scroll.  Basically, if you can buy it, just walk away.) Here is the exception:  Spell components, crafting materials from the crafting hall, arrows/ bolts/ missile weapons incl the ones that are sold in House D. 

No grouping outside the static group. You will be dedicated to the “Summer Fling” group until school starts back up (August basically).  (Soloing for make-up XP is ok, farming for collectibles and potions i.e. picking Lily’s in the Tangle Root Gorge for Remove Curse and Cure pots is ok, farming the named minotaur or the named skeleton in TBC for the hand wraps or the Hand Canon is ok, just don’t overdo it and use good judgment.  Know when to say when.)  Note about this!  I want this to be fun and a tiny bit challenging.  I want you to yearn for items.  If you find yourself missing something in your inventory or from your character.  GOOD.  Then the group is working as intended!  So be careful when you think about farming something!  Ask yourself if you really need it or if you can live without it. 

We level together, so if you collect xp on your own, you will have to bank that XP before the group is ready to level.  

You play with only what you find in quests.  Group sharing is ok, crafting is highly encouraged.  The vendors are off limits!

NO DDO STORE.  No stat tomes, no extra inventory slots, no bank slots, no crafting materials.  (Already existing companions on your account are ok.)            Here is the exception!  You can have cosmetic hair.  Samius is a big GIRL so you can buy hair dye (but if you pull hair dye from a chest you must eat it immediately regardless of color) Buy at your own risk. 

NO DAILY/ WEEKLY DICE.  You are welcome to roll the dice on another character or save the dice prizes on a mule for when the group disbands.  

We start at Level 7.  

If all six players do not show up, we will fill the group with a hireling from the market vendor or an alternate dedicated to the group.  Time is very tight with this group, so if you are late we will have already started.  The group starts on time.  Just jump in when you log on and be judged.  

This is a Twitch group and all play sessions will be on the live stream.  Additionally, so that all players can be heard over the live stream (and to make it more entertaining), we will be using skype!  You can download skype for free at skype.com.  

Death.  This is a great topic!  We are not a Permadeath group, but cooperative gameplay is rewarded while zerging and taking my XP with your demise is discouraged.  

If you die, you must suffer “The Walk of Shame”.  Remove your armor/ robe and continue the quest naked.  (You will be allowed your non-visible gear and any weapons/ staff/ scepters in your hands)  

 If you suffer a second death.  You are to move to the back of the party and go into “time out” and think about what you did.  When the quest is over, you must go to the tavern naked as penance for your death.  Once in the tavern, you will be allowed to wear your clothes again!  Do not worry, your Walk will be on the Live Stream and I will Tweet about it so everyone knows!  Remember, it’s Shame, not Fame!  


1.  I want to join,
but I don’t have the ability to roll a level 7, can I join the group with an
already established level seven character?  

Yes!  But I ask that you start naked, and I
do mean naked.  Unload all of your gear, stat items, and weapons, the
group will outfit you as it goes along!  Please avoid buying tomes from
the DDO store.  


2.  What if I miss
a day due to real life?  

Please try your best not to miss!  But if
you do miss, you will be responsible for making up that XP, the same rules will
apply so your make-up session will be on your own (minus one hireling!)


3.  Can I buy bags
to hold more collectibles/ ingredients from the DDO Store?  

 Turn them in for goodies, put them in your bank, destroy them. Figure it


4.  But I have
tomes from the anniversary card game to use!  

Great!  Use them on another character or wait until the end of the summer.


5.  Can I do the
DDO Store quest on Korthos that gives me a spirit cake?  

 Just no.  Stop asking!  


6.  Can I use the
bonus ticket that gives me a crafting XP elixir and slayer boost pot?  

 Use it and give the items to another character.  


7.  Can I use ship

What is a ship buff?  <<<that
should answer your question.  Conversely, when we earn House P favor, we
will be using the “buff table”.  That is almost as good as ship buff, but
not really!  XD  For the purpose of this group, I would like to form
a temporary guild.  “Summer Fling”


8.  Can I join the
Summer Fling guild with my level seven character, “side car” level along with
you, and join if a regular player does not show up?  

I’d like to leave this to the group’s
discretion.  I don’t mind.  But all the same rules will apply to your
side car.  If the regular player shows up, you must relinquish that
player’s spot once the current quest is completed. 


9.  What does your
group need most?  

I already have a Druid and an Artificer and
cleric.  Pick something! 


10.  Why do you
have so many rules?  



GOALS:  (the group decides, the group always decides, but before hand because we have a golden hour!) 

Week One:  Coin
Lord Favor for back pack space

Week Two/ Three:
 House P favor and House K favor bank and Buffs!  

Week Four:  Finish
the above if not finished and start House D?  Group vote!  


DDO Cocktailhour Episode 72, I Sit Down Right Now

Welcome to the 72nd episode of DDO Cocktail Hour where we discuss the social aspects of Dungeons and Dragons Online!  This week we talk about summer plans for our characters,  We got email, we have plans and Samius is a two-timing ho! Listen to find out how Samius tips a waiter and what Lessah says over a hot mic on Twitch!  Thanks so much for listening! 

Here is the link for the episode!  Just left click and play or right click and “save as” to download!


04:25 TWITTER QUESTION!!!  YES!  This is back by popular demand of one person!  

What are your summer plans for your character?  

07:30 How Samius Gurobo thinks you tip a waiter.  Hilarity

In where Samius is inappropriate and Lessah needs an adult.  

10:50 Samius makes a positive comment.  

15:30 Movie talk and Lessah and Samius’ Sarlona Twitch Stream disaster

18:45 Lessah’s Plan:  

  1. Argo – Iconic Sad Slow past life.

  2. Possible Non PD Static group idea!  At level questing via group consensus, No consumables outside of components and the rewards/ buffs you earn from earning favor, no AH, meeting time has to be during the day or the morning and during the week.  **addendum, if you die, you must complete the quest nekkid as part of your penance and do a “Walk of Shame” to the tavern after.  If you die a second time, you must walk in the back of the party weaponless.  Stay tuned for open spots and day of the week!  

23:20 Samius’ Plan:  

  1. Bardic Sex change, Intense Sensitivity Training

26:20 Lessah is a Noob!

  • Lag!  I sit down right now

  • The Sitting Ducks take on the Chronoscope Epic Hard.  When you Live Stream a raid, mute yourself.  “Mommy’s fighting an Abishai right now!”  

32:40  Things that make you go Hmmm

  • Gnolls in the Netherese Army get shat upon, do not be a gnoll in the Netherese Army.  

  • Listen to the DDO Cast this week cause Samius is on it and they are doing a three part segment on pugging.  

37:40 Gen Con talk in where Samius invites Lessah’s entire family to sleep on the floor of their hotel room.  

39:30 Forum:  DDO Party

40:50 le="text-decoration:none;">What would you pay for?  by Chai

45:00 Group Discussion  

  • Pulling your own weight and party balance.  What does it mean to you! i.e. What do you do when a mummy gives you “The Herp” aka mummy rot?

49:30 Emails:

We got email!  

Kosmo has found the best USB ports ever!

Gotta love targeted advertising – look what showed up when I searched for Samius on Twitch…  –Kos  

52:00  Ichwyrm Deadhart

Hi Lessah and Samius!! I just wanted to drop you an email to let you know a few things cause your last cast really hit a chord with me.  I’M glad you’re putting the show together again. Its always helped me enjoy DDO so much more. Been listening from the start and like you guys have had some real life issues that mean i play less than the daily addiction i used to feed.  Well not that much less but still…

anyway. some quick comments …

Samius – you’re absolutely right about everything on the state of the game!  But you’re wrong about Arrow although you will have to endure the first 6 episodes before it starts to get good. And you’re right about the winter soldier movie. of of course you’re right you’re Samius.

2. Lessah – Its fine Lessah, you can let your party kill the monster And I don’t think Ive ever laughed so much as I have with this latest cast.

Unsolicited advice. Samius, i think you need to step back a bit. I always find that a short vacation (not 18 months pls…) helps you enjoy the game more when you come back. I play on Ghallanda but have recently started a toon on Sarlona to join some friends. I have to say. starting out dirt poor with no gear and making a new server your home is incredibly fun. made a bunch of new friends, and am now actually excited about loot again. Perhaps you might have the same experiences I’ve had on a new server.

You guys rock !


Ichwyrm Deadhart >

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Bonus Material! 















Ninja Bonus!  Thanks very much to Martel of Argonnessen for voicing this for me and Chai of Sarlona and Thelanis, the DJ mix master who used the Otto’s Dance Sphere spell sound and a back beat to make the track for this sound byte.  I am so happy with how it turned out and I want it to go out on The DDO Cast first since Patrick really gave me the inspiration for the idea!  The commercial will air on the CTH officially on our next show, but as a treat for the people who bother to come to the website, you can listen to the track now!  I will not mention this anywhere else. It’s our secret.  


DDO Cocktailhour Episode 71 Kobold Still Hate You!


Welcome to the 71st episode of DDO Cocktail Hour where we discuss the social aspects of Dungeons and Dragons Online!  This time around we talk about the Haunted Halls, The Crystal Cove Grind, and more!  Samius Gurobo starts out angry and then gets slightly less angry (so it’s a normal show!).  We also get an email from our last living listener!  Listen to hear Samius be wildly inappropriate! 

Just left click and play or right click and “save as” to download!

Note:  Using time stamps this go around because the show is long!  There are a couple of scattered swear words.  It’s the CTH for a reason.  Brace yourself!  Since the show is so long, I tagged my favorite moments with Hilarity


What are you watching?  Show me your Netflix Que and I’ll show you mine!  

(email us and tell us what you’re watching!)

The Flash Trailer! 

0:12:50 Lessah is a Noob!

  • “I’m a Cleric”  

  • The Ducks make level 21

  • Samius gets all into cleric pee puddles and talks about something really inappropriate.  

0:22:00 Things that make you go Hmmm

  1. Happy Hour! If you haven’t listened, you need to!  Slavers, hot drow, DDO Store suggestions and more!   

  2. Suggestion came in from Chai to make CC part of the Smugglers Rest permanently.  

0:31:30 Forum:  Why so much hate?  Forums posters, y u so mean?  

Any ETA on gather bug for bags fix by Luvirini

S&B Are slowly getting more popular by Navus

Group Discussion,  

0:41:50 Haunted Halls

0:45:00 HILARITY!!!  Samius’ Rants make my life!  (Spoiler alert if you haven’t done Water Works!) 

0:46:30 Lessah lets Samius Gurobo peek under the hood to help with the Law of Diminishing Returns on AC, PRR, and Defense chance at level.   (Where Lessah pokes Samius with a stick yet again) This is the last time I will bring up this subject for a long time… or until the next show. 

1:00:00 Samius explains why he doesn’t play his tank anymore but he still loves DDO. 

(28 Pally with no stance below )

 (28 Pally with defensive stance below )

1:18:00 Email:

Snipahz of Khyber  He has questions, we have answers. 


Where Lessah Plays 

1:26:00 Hilarity!  “I’m holding your love hostage, CTH Fan!” 

1:30:00 Where we play

1:35:00 Hilarity, Wang is a vegetable 

1:36:00 Email from Karl, Pax South this spurns a weird conversation about kids! 

1:40:00 Gen Con talk, “The Sheet of Chastity” vs group cuddling.  Samius talks about man boobs and it’s not ok. 

1:44:00 Reach us at:

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Bonus Pod! Happy Hour

With Special guest Mythery!  

Hi!  This week Lessah is getting a new computer!  So I can’t record anything new until I get all my programs back.  In place of the DDO Cocktail Hour this time, I had so many “noob moments” and random observations that we are doing a very special ladies only podcast this go around!  We talk about Eveningstar and digesting content in a much more casual way as well as a fun comparison of the two realms.  We also go over a list of ideas that could potentially make the DDO Store more money!  Let me know if you like the cast and in the future I’ll try to do more “Happy Hour” casts.  Thanks so much for listening!  


Here is the 

Intro:  Bad Girls

Get to know me!  

A little about Mythery!  

Shake your moneymaker ($ ideas for the DDO store)  

  • companion wishlist!    (Orges, trolls, and bunnys, Oh my!)  

  • remote item deconstruction (longer)

  • Seasonal hair/ skin dye.  

  • I can put colored glitter on my companion, why can’t I wrap him in Christmas lights come December?  Why are skull and pumpkin heads the only thing we get to do once a year?  If I can buy a rabbit hat or a top hat from the DDO store, why can’t I buy a Festivus themed hat?  

  • Cosmetic armor. Let me make it my own.  Color/ style etc.  I play male characters and I have the right to dress like a ho just like my female counterparts.  

  • Armor Dye.  

  • Glitter bomb.  (Why can I have a polar bear with blue glitter and I can’t throw glitter in my friend’s face and douse them in glitter for an hour?)  

  • Glitter removal cream.  

  • Ship Dye?  Pimp my ride!  Disco ball over the top?  I think not!  I mean half the swanky ships have a spa why not decorate it?  Pimp it out with bubbles or a red light, champagne.  

  • I want a flag for my ship!  Pirate flag or House flag Should cost money and be temporary or should it cost astral shards?  

These are all little things that can cost more points and more money.  More money = DDO being successful and lasting longer.  

The “cool” way to quest.  

  • Doesn’t have to be the ultimate high level as long as it’s fun and meaningful.  

  • “The Sweet Spot” = the most fun.

  • Meandering is ok!  Reading the quest goals, also ok!  

Casual Observations:  

  • Eberron Scorrow vs Forgotten Realms Driders.   (omg he’s so hot, I wish he wasn’t half spider!  This is ruining our relationship!)   

  • Eberron Drow vs FR drow woman vs men.  Party girls vs Dominatrix.  

  • Eberron vs FR for civil engineering.  Is anyone else worried about us polluting the place with Dragon Shards?  

  • Is there a relationship to the amount of technology in a society and slavery?  (Underdark slave quests.)  My fav!  Talking to the freed slaves.  Or talking to the guards when you are in disguise.  (Really?  You want to be my master wearing those pants?)  

    • Let’s get real and talk about slaves

    • At least Eberron knows what time it is when it comes to this sort of thing.  i.e. drow revolted.  

    • Important question!  would you want a Drow Master who doesn’t even own shoes?  He owns you but not shoes??  LOL WUT?  No shirt, no shoes, no slave!  

Email Me and tell me if this cast is worth doing again!  


DDO Cocktailhour Episode 70, Down The Rabbit Hole

Welcome to the 70th episode of DDO Cocktail Hour where we discuss the social aspects of Dungeons and Dragons Online!  This week, we talk about higher end content, the grind, and the reason why Samius Gurobo hates everything from True Seeing to AC.  Lessah makes Samius Gurobo look like a noob for a change when he fails to complete his DDO Homework.  Listen to hear the dialogue for six new hidden explorers in Epic Giant Hold!  Thanks so much for listening!  

Here is the link for the episode!  Just left click and play or right click and “save as” to download!


Samius plays DDO until he falls over and now so does Lessah

Guardians of the Galaxy

Lessah is a Noob!

  • The Daily Pug. An experiment.  Paladin for hire.  *Long discussion about pugging.  

  • Into the Rabbit Hole! Otto’s Box What?  

  • Epic Giant Hold hidden explorers!  Listen to these six new explorers for evidence that The Truthful One and The Stormreaver were college roommates. 

Things that make you go Hmmm

  1. A shocking downward spiral in Mindflayer reproduction, sign of the times? I think not!  

Forum:  The Hampster Wheel by Navus  

Group Discussion,  

  • End game.  End game?  What does it all mean Samius?  So much XP per minute!   

  • True Seeing Crappy?  

  • AC Crappy?  Lesson Learned, if you don’t want your balls to get punched by a kobold, stay out of Kobold Assault.

Special Thanks to Chai for his great audio and voice work and Clankenbeard for helping with the voice work too! 


No email this week! 

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Bonus Material!  (I don’t always do this, but this week was pretty good.) 

/files/0/8/7/4/3/244299-234780/stormreaver_vs_truthful_one.mp3″>Download The Stormreaver vs The Truthful One Lost Audio file for secret explorers! 

Episode 70 Interactive Game!

Name that Hireling!  (Level 1-5 Edition) 

This game is easy! 

Match the assigned “Nickname” on the left with the given name of the hireling on the right! 

I’ll post the answers when I post the show on late Friday/ early Saturday!  If you want, you can send answers to me via email and I’ll compare some of your answers to Samius’ on the show!   Please note, for this game I only used the hirelings I renamed (which means I rented them!), some hires were left off because I refer to them by their actual name.  Also Rogues were not included because you have to buy them in the DDO Store.  HERE is a helpful list on the Wiki of all Hirelings in case you need a description!  Good luck and I hope you do better than Samius will! 

Honorable mention, but not listed is Ormol Soggybottom, a level 5 fighter, because how can you possibly give that a new name?  (Psst, he is rumored to have dated Samius at one time!) 
Ormol.. this is for you buddy!  You’ll find love again!  (Video contains strong references to guy on guy love! If this offends you, please don’t watch.) 

Answer Key: